


Three Times Alexander Hamilton Didn't Die and the One Time He Did

by glennthewalmartguy



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Character Death, Death, Drowning, Gun Violence, M/M, Multi, Tags Contain Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2019-03-07 00:16:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13422648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glennthewalmartguy/pseuds/glennthewalmartguy
Summary: Exactly as the title says.One: almost getting hit by a carTwo: almost drowningThree: almost dying from lack of sleep and food





	Three Times Alexander Hamilton Didn't Die and the One Time He Did

_ One _

“Why the fucking fuck would I care about that?” Alexander walks in front of Lafayette as he rants. They are walking to the political science building and Alex is very passionate about hating Thomas Jefferson.

 

“Like it even  _ matters _ what fucking John Adams thinks about this issue, no one respects that man, he is the absolute  _ worst  _ fucking person on this planet when it comes to knowing about the issues and understanding them and genuinely trying to fix problems instead of just debating whether they exist at all,” Alex has a tendency to speak in run-on sentences, “Thomas seriously used Adams as his source when everyone knows John Adams is the  _ least _ credible person ever!” He speeds up slightly, getting more worked up as he talks. Lafayette nods along and makes small noises of approval while getting farther and farther behind Alex. He could catch up if he wanted to, but he’s not in the mood to walk that fast. Alex keeps talking and going more quickly, not even slowing down when he approaches the street crossing.

 

“No one even cares anymore Laf! No one cares about this anymore it doesn’t even matter to the public that this is killing us all and no one even wants to bother fixing and it’s these  _ assholes _ like Jefferson that are slaughtering us all slowly.” He keeps getting faster as he approaches the intersection. Lafayette jogs to catch up to him and sees a car speeding up the alleyway as Alex starts crossing.

 

“Alex,” Lafayette calls out, “Alex watch out!  _ Alexander s’il vous plait _ !” Alex doesn’t hear him. Lafayette breaks into a full sprint and screams.

 

“ _ Alex please _ !” He tackles Alex onto the ground just as the car rushes by them. He lays on the ground, breathing hard. Lafayette rolls over and pulls Alex into a strong embrace. He can feel him shaking.

 

“Oh my god,” Alex exhales. Laf stands up and pulls Alex to his feet.

 

“Please pay more attention next time. I don’t think I think could live without you, Alex.” Alex nods and gives Lafayette another hug.

 

“Thank you, man,” he says.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ Two _

John ran into Alexander in the hallway on the way to class the first time they met. Literally ran into him, he dropped all of his books and Alex helped him pick them up. They saw each other again a few days later and exchanged numbers. Anybody who sees them together can see that they are in love. Even now, when John can’t get Alex to stop flailing around so damn much and just  _ swim _ .

 

Alex never learned how to swim, it just wasn’t important enough for him to bother with it. John freaked out when he heard this, because “what if you fall off a boat or something, Alex?” It’s been incredibly frustrating to spend an hour every day in the pool with Mr. Lifeguard touching him and trying to help him at least float. John tells Alex to kick his feet back and just let the water catch him. Alex tries, really, but once his feet leave the ground he panics and starts waving his arms. John groans and paddles over to Alex.

 

“Okay,” he says, “so this is what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna hold your legs and your head up, and you just lean back against me. I got you.” He places one hand on the back of Alex’s thighs and the other on the back of his neck. Alex does as he’s told and leans back, actively fighting the urge to start kicking. John can barely even feel Alex’s weight in the water. Once Alex is sufficiently floating, John takes a careful step backwards and removes his hands. Alex has his eyes shut tightly and his breathing seems stifled, but he isn’t sinking. John floats farther back and nods.

 

“Alright,” he says quietly, “now try moving your arms, just a little to see if you can move around.” Alex flaps his hands slowly, and actually ends up moving. Before he knows it, he’s swimming. John whoops from somewhere in the pool, Alex can’t really tell where. He paddles over to the deeper end. John clears his throat.

 

“Alex, dude, that’s a bad idea.” Alex keeps going.

 

“John,” he says, his voice a little strained, “I’ve got this.” He kicks hard once he gets to where he wants to be, and accidentally hits the side of the pool. For some reason, this really throws him off, and he starts to sink. He doesn’t scream, or flap his arms, but his head goes under the water and all he think is push  _ up _ . So he does, and then again. He can’t get a breath in. This was a really bad idea.

 

John sees Alex go under in the deep end and he almost yells out, “I told you so,” but the situation seems a little too serious for that, so he starts swimming towards him. It doesn’t take him long to get there, Alex didn’t get that far, and when he does reach him he grips his waist with both hands and pulls him up. Alex sucks in a long breath once his head is fully above the water and he automatically wraps himself around John. He grabs onto his neck and pulls his legs around John’s waist, coughing. John propels them back far enough that he can stand on the pool floor and holds Alex up with an arm.

 

“Well,” John whispers, very aware of how close Alex’s face is to his, “I guess I was right.” Alex laughs softly and leans in.

 

“Yeah, I guess you were.” His nose is almost touching John’s now.

 

“Alex,” John breathes in, “can I kiss you?” Alex smiles and closes the distance between them.

  
  


_ Three _

Eliza knows Alexander far too well. She can tell from a distance that he hasn’t eaten in a few days. It took too much time to stop and eat, especially now. He hasn’t slept, either, but of course she knows that too. He is  _ so close _ to graduating. He just can’t slow down right now. He’ll eat and sleep in a week, when his last final is over. Eliza spots him going to class, and he speeds up, trying to avoid her.

 

“Alexander Hamilton you better slow down and come here,” she says. He can’t just run away now, too late.  Alex stops and turns to her sheepishly.

 

“Hi, Eliza,” he says. She stops in front of him and looks him up and down. She reaches out and pokes his chest.

 

“You haven’t been eating.”

 

“Okay just-”

 

“Nope! You have to eat, idiot. You have to eat,” Eliza studies his face, “And sleep! Alex what are you doing?” Alex tries to reply, but he suddenly feels very dizzy. Eliza sees him swaying and grabs his arms, helping him to sit on the sidewalk. His vision starts to go black. He can’t hear what she’s saying… it’s so dark…

  
  


Alex wakes up in a hospital bed. He doesn’t open his eyes yet, but he can hear people talking around him.

 

“Eliza, what happened?” John asks

 

“Your fiance apparently hasn’t been eating lately,” Eliza sighs, “Or sleeping.” He feels someone sit beside him and grab his hand. He opens his eyes slowly. John isn't looking at him, he's looking at Eliza. It seems like he's been crying. A doctor is adjusting some machine by his hand. He realizes he has an IV in his arm.

 

“Hey,” Alex says. John turns around to look at him. He squeezes his hand and smiles weakly.

 

“Oh my god, Alex,” he says. The doctor explains his condition. He slept for twelve hours and the IV is for nutrients, he thinks. John starts crying. Eliza is pacing in front of his bed. 

 

“I must have missed at least three classes,” Alex says, “I have to get back.” He starts to stand, but John puts his hand on his arm. The doctor frowns.

 

“You’re going to have to stay here until you’ve gotten your strength back,” she says. Alex shakes his head

 

“No you don’t understand, I have to graduate soon. I can’t miss any more than I already have.” He tries to stand up again, but John holds him tighter.

 

“Alex, please,” John says, “I could have lost you.” That makes Alex stop. He looks up at John. He deflates and falls back onto his bed. A hospital bed. He could have died. The situation never really sunk in. He starts breathing faster. How could he do this to John? He was so focused on graduating that he forgot about after. Marrying John. He cries. John stands up and wraps Alex in a hug. He lays down on the bed beside him and holds him close. Alex sobs.

 

“I’m sorry.”

  
  
  
  
  


_ The One Time He Did _

John smiles, dinner was amazing. He’s so glad he decided to invite the Schuyler women over. Eliza’s wife is great with the kids, and he couldn’t be happier. Alex spent most of the night talking with Angelica about something that the rest of them couldn’t understand. Philip ran up to Alex at one point and started babbling. It was amazing how well Alex could interpret the strange sounds that came out of their son’s mouth. Peggy seemed to love taking care of the twins, Angelica and James. John laughed at Maria’s suggestion of going out for a drink, they couldn’t leave the kids. But then Peggy offered to babysit, so now Angelica, Eliza, Maria, Alexander, and John are going to a bar down the street. It’s not far, so they’re all walking.

 

Alex smiles at John and holds his hand. John squeezes back and turns to Maria.

 

“So,” he says, “you really like Star Trek more than Star Wars?” Maria feigns shock.

 

“Um,” she scoffs, “of-fucking-course? Star Trek is a masterpiece and I will fight you over it.” John shakes his head and looks to Alex for defense. Alex gives him a sheepish grin.

 

“Actually, I agree with Maria-” he raises a hand to cut off John’s immediate protests, “-for the most part! There are things in both franchises I like, okay?” John covers his forehead with the back of his hand and sighs, but pulls Alex closer anyway. His kisses his cheek.

 

“Damn you,” he smiles, “I just can’t stay away.” Alex smiles wide and kisses him lightly.

 

“I love you,” he whispers.

 

“I love you too,” John whispers back. Alex kisses him again.

 

“John,” he says, “I have never been happier than this moment.” John grips his hand tighter.

 

“Me too, baby.”

 

It all happens so fast.

 

Angelica screams, so does Eliza. Maria is the first to move. She tries to catch him before he falls, but she’s too slow. The man who shot him realizes he missed his target. He looks sick. Strange, that John is concerned for the wellbeing of the man who just shot his husband. Alex coughs on the ground. John drops to his knees beside him. He sees a lot of blood, so much blood. Alex is shivering.

 

John is so beautiful. His hands are so warm. Alex has imagined this moment so much that it was more memory than current, but he never imagined just how beautiful John is. He didn’t even have to think before he jumped in front of the bullet. John didn’t see it, so he had to save him. And even though Alex thought about dying far too often, he never thought about his kids, and how  _ god _ it hurts. How could he do this to John? He has to apologize. He’s crying. John tells him he’ll be fine, but that’s a lie. Alex loves John. He loves his children. Angelica, James, Philip, they won’t be old enough to understand. Maybe it’s better that way. John looks like an angel hovering above him. Just, let it go, sleep…

 

“ _ Hey _ !” It’s John, he’s so beautiful. It hurts less now, somehow. He needs to tell him…

 

“John Laurens, you made me so happy.” Even when he’s crying, John is so, so beautiful… His hands are so warm…

  
  


“John,” he coughs again, his whole body shaking, “John I’m sorry.” Tears flow down his face. John puts both hands over the wound on his chest. He shakes his head, trying to keep it together. He can hear Angelica on the phone with emergency services.

 

“No,” his voice cracks, “you saved me, baby. You’re gonna be fine. I love you.” Alex puts his hands over John’s.

 

“I love you. Tell-” more coughing “-tell the kids I love them, too.” John shakes his head, now sobbing.

 

“No, no. No!” Alex closes his eyes.

 

“No! You can’t leave me!  _ Hey _ !” He grips Alex’s face with both hands. His eyes flutter open. He smiles dreamily.

 

“John Laurens, you made me so happy.” John puts his forehead against his.

 

“Alexander,  _ no _ !” He’s not breathing anymore. No more breathing.

 

John screams.

  
  


When the ambulance gets there, it’s far too late. John has stopped talking. Maria pulled him away from the body, kicking and screaming. The man who shot him is caught two streets over, dead from an overdose. Eliza is in shock. She keeps telling them they need to tell Peggy, need to tell Peggy. After a few minutes Angelica lets her go. Maria stays with John while Angelica talks to the police officer. He is completely silent, tears streaming down his face while Maria combs her fingers through his hair. He stays like that for a while, and when he finally does talk all he can do is whisper, “My fault. Jumped in front of me. My fault.” Maria tells him that’s not true, but she can tell he can’t hear her.

  
  


Peggy opens the door with a bright grin.

 

“Back so soon?” she asks. Eliza doesn’t smile, or speak. She looks terrified. Peggy frowns. She gives a quick glance inside at the kids all asleep, twins in their cribs, then goes into the hallway and closes the door.

 

“Betsey, what’s wrong?” When Eliza doesn’t answer the second time, Peggy puts a hand on her shoulder. Eliza starts and looks at her sister.

 

“Alex,” she whispers. Peggy knits her eyebrows together.

 

“What happened? Is Alex okay?” Peggy pulls Eliza closer. Eliza shakes her head, starting to cry. Peggy hugs her tightly.

 

“Tell me,” she sounds scared, “please ‘Liza what happened?” Eliza pulls back.

 

“He’s dead.” Peggy breathes in sharply.

 

“Oh my god.” She automatically looks back at the apartment door. Those poor kids. She pulls Eliza in again and hugs her tightly.

  
  


Angelica is calm. She cannot lose it, not now. John is in shock, Eliza is with Peggy, and Maria has to be with John. Angelica  _ cannot _ start crying. She cannot grieve right now, not when there are policeman to talk to and doctors to that have to tell them all what they already know. Alexander is gone. He will not be coming back. Angelica has to keep it together, and take care of her family.

  
  
John tries to go back to where he was. He wants to feel nothing and be numb again, but he can’t. Not now, not when he has to go home and tell his children that their father is never coming back. He is dying, slowly, but still dying. His soul is being crushed every second that he is in this world without his Alexander. And he is  _ angry _ . How could this happen? Alex is, was, was the most kind and caring person on this planet. It doesn’t make any fucking sense. He has to tell the kids. The kids, they won’t understand. Philip is the only one that can even say a single word.  John is dying, yes, because they all are going to grow up without their father. Their father, the amazing and wonderful Alexander Hamilton. The man who wrote day and night and could describe in detail to you the way a star falls. John is alone now. That much is true. But it hasn’t really set in yet, that his husband is dead. That’s not something you think about happening, is it? You don’t stay awake at night imagining what will happen after they’re dead. You don’t want to. You don’t want to hurt. It hurts. He wishes he could leave. He wants to go back to being numb.

**Author's Note:**

> So I am aware that this is usually a 5+1 kind of thing, but I've had this sitting in my documents with only three done for well over six months now, and I just want to post it.  
> This is one of those genuinely sad fics that I start while feeling suicidal and then never want to keep writing. I like this one tho  
> Come talk to me in Tumblr pls https://glennthewalmartguy.tumblr.com


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